• From “Pilot”:
Pierce has been accused of sexually harassing Shirley.
Pierce: Why would I sexually harass someone who turns me on?
• From “Spanish 101”:
The study group is upset at Jeff’s cavalier attitude.
Annie: But maybe when Jeff gets here we could talk to him as a group about his tardiness ...
Pierce: Oh come on, don’t use that word around Abed.
• From “Introduction to Film”:
Abed is casting his student film.
Abed: Jeff, you’ll have to play the part of my dad.
Jeff: I don’t wanna be your father.
Abed: See? You already know your lines.
• From “Advanced Criminal Law”:
The group is angry about Senor Chang’s draconian class policies.
Troy: The only difference between Senor Chang and Stalin is that I know who Senor Chang is.
• From “Football, Feminism and You”:
Jeff is trying to convince Troy to join the football team.
Jeff: I’m saying, you’re a football player. It’s in your blood!
Troy: That’s racist.
Jeff: Your soul.
Troy: That’s racist.
Jeff: Your eyes?
Troy: That’s gay?
Jeff: That’s homophobic.
Troy: That’s black.
Jeff: That’s racist.
Troy: Damn.
• From “Introduction to Statistics”:
Annie is trying to get people to attend her Dia de los Muertos party.
Britta: You’re not coming to Annie's party?
Jeff: Sorry, I have a conflict. It conflicts with the enjoyment of my life.
• From “Politics of Human Sexuality”:
The group discusses Pierce’s hot date.
Shirley: Pierce has got a girlfriend!
Britta: That’s great. What’s she do?
Pierce: She’s an escort.
Shirley: Oh ...
Jeff: Some mysteries solve themselves, don’t they?
• From “Investigative Journalism”:
Jeff is interviewing the dean for a story in the school paper.
Dean: Jeffrey, I am the least racist person in the world. My best friend, when I was six years old, was a black man!
• From “Romantic Expressionism”:
Jeff is baffled by Annie’s new boyfriend.
Jeff: You know what I don’t get? He never wears a shirt; he never wears shoes: Why hasn’t he died from lack of service?
• From “Contemporary American Poultry”:
The dean is trying to get to the bottom of a campus crime.
Dean: Do you know who might have stolen a box of hairnets from the kitchen?
Abed: Someone with hair.
Dean: I’m gonna write that down.
