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Best Kenneth Parcell Quotes

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30 Rock’s naïve, eternally optimistic, possibly inbred NBC page Kenneth Parcell (played by Jack McBrayer) is always ready with some helpful advice or a fascinating story about his upbringing in the South. Just because the things he says are almost never actually helpful or relevant doesn’t make them any less amusing. Liz Lemon and Jack Donaghy may get the meatier storylines, and Tracy Jordan may say more outrageous things, but Kenneth always sneaks up with a hilariously warped take on everyday matters. Here’s a list of the best Kenneth Parcell quotes.

From “Subway Hero” (Season 2):

Explaining his political opinions to Jack: “I don’t vote Republican or Democrat. Choosing is a sin, so I always just write in the Lord’s name!”

From “Black Tie” (Season 1):

Warning Pete about the perils of dancing: “Do you remember the movie Footloose, where those evil kids won in the end? You’re going to make a mistake tonight.”

From “Episode 210” (Season 2):

Refusing free coffee: “I don’t drink hot liquids of any kind. That’s the Devil’s temperature!”

From “Believe in the Stars” (Season 3):

Excited about finally having cable: “There’s a whole channel on the cable that just tells you what’s on the other channels!”

From “Gavin Volure” (Season 3):

Describing how he spends his savings: “I’ve had to send more money home lately. There are problems on the farm. After years of inbreeding, the pigs are getting violent, and the pig shield around the house has worn thin.”

From “Jack Gets in the Game” (Season 2):

Trying to seduce Tracy’s wife: “I like your top. I’m a real good sex person. I do it all the different ways.”

From “The Natural Order” (Season 3):

Describing his pet pig: “She went crazy! She bit off my nut sack ... that I kept tied around my belt to feed the squirrels.”

From “Hardball” (Season 1):

After Dot Com tells him they need to talk: “Oh, I’ve had this conversation before. You’re marrying my mom, aren’t you?”

From “Kidney Now” (Season 3):

Reminiscing about his school days: “Science was my most favorite subject, especially the Old Testament.”

From “St. Valentine’s Day” (Season 3):

On special treatment for the disabled: “I wouldn’t have this job if it wasn’t for the mouth in my back.”
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